Supporting Families in Uncertain Times

5/18/2020

u N c E r T a I n T y

•We miss routine and predictability

•We don’t know what will happen next, when this will end

•We are not sure that we or ones we love are safe

•Instead we feel restless, anxious, unsettled

5/18/2020

A trauma lens can help us understand what happened to our lives

•Anxiety is a normal response—We all feel it!

•Anxiety is a necessary human reaction. Without some anxiety, we will not survive a threat.

•We have problems when anxiety gets too high, too frequent, or we cannot find ways to cope.

Reactions to Uncertainty Vary

This pandemic is not equal opportunity disruptor. Some groups are bearing a higher burden. In addition, perceptions of the situation vary--so we feel different levels of threat, even if all things were equal.

• History of the individual or cultural groups
• Beliefs, attitudes
• Availability of support (practical, emotional)
• Personal coping capacity

Recognizing varied reactions promotes understanding

• Some may feel angry about restrictions

• Others may want even more caution

• Some can’t tolerate thinking about this at all

• People’s feelings may change quickly

• Trying to scare another person into your way of thinking is unlikely to change their mind

Young Children

• Sense of loss of events that can’t happen
• Difficulty with virtual aspects of current situation
• Confusion about why everything is so different
• May show distress through behavior changes or regression
• Ask kids what they miss
• Watch their play for clues

5/18/2020

Adapt and Cope

Positive relationships can buffer trauma and heal

• Parent and other caregiver support is essential to child coping and resilience…..
• Therefore, parent and caregiver well-being is key to child wellbeing

Adapt and Cope

Stay connected with people who matter to you

• Reach out to show you are holding someone in mind with a text or other message
• Virtual contacts – Coffee with friends, virtual play dates
• Old school—phone calls, snail mail

Adapt and Cope

• Think about creating a new frame or structure that promotes safety – Simple is best; don’t get too ambitious! – Think flexible and forgiving
• Talk to kids about what they miss
• Build in some choice making

Adapt and Cope

• Acknowledge that this is hard and nobody picked it!
• Recognize what is and is not in your control
• Find meaning in the difficult circumstances—through your personal spirituality, a sense of community, or helping others

Adapt and Cope

•Communicate what we know and do not know

•Explain what we do to stay safe

•Model good coping

•Keep it simple

Adapt and Cope

• Take a break from news!
• A little constructive denial can come in handy
• It’s ok to just be sometimes
• Reduce media time if it’s too much

Adapt and Cope

Considering the value of getting back to basics:

• Focus on what is going well when you can, validate negative feelings when you cannot
• Encourage silliness and laughter
• Develop coping skills and maybe even promote growth. Remember the goal is to be “good enough”!

Don’t forget your own stuff

In order to be ready to support families and children…

• We can recognize that we are all trying to learn new things under less that ideal conditions
• We can accept that we may not be able to do as much as we’d like
• We can confirm that ZOOM brain is real!
• We must be aware of and manage our own thoughts, responses, and behaviors Slowing down, and creating opportunities for mindfulness can help

One way to slow down: PAUSE

• Using reflection as a way to appreciate others’ experiences related to uncertainty • Helping parents and caregivers see their children’s experiences (parallel process) • Heightened issues that invite opportunity

• Regulation (sleeping, eating…)

• Behavior (listening, cooperating…)

PAUSE FRAMEWORK

A process that blends relationship-based practices, reflective skills, and concrete information in a way that home visitors can use in everyday interactions with children and families.

ASK questions to learn more

1 PERCEIVE observe, listen

2 UNDERSTAND participant's experience

3 STRATEGIZE select and take actions

4 EVALUATE outcomes using reflective processes

5/18/2020

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow’.

-Mary Anne Radmacher

Or, more simply:

Just keep swimming.

-Dory